wow..it's hard to believe i only have 10 weeks left in this marathon of a journey I have been on for the last 8 months of my life. I often feel ask if I have been running a race, and I'm rounding the corner and I can see the checkered flag in sight. My knees hurt, my heart is pounding, and I still entertain the thought of " I can't do this". If you know me at all, then you know I HATE running. I think it's one of the most torturous things we can do to our bodies, BUT I know that the outcome is usually something worthwhile and the since of accomplishment is like no other.
That's kinda of how I've felt over the last months. I have had to push myself in ways I never dreamed I'd have to. Often times I've wanted to give up and just cry and stomp my feet and say I can't do it, or I don't want to do this anymore. The difference about real life and running a marathon is that often times you can't give up, especially when you're caring a life inside of you. You just have to keep going, and trusting that the outcome is going to be so worth it.
So I will continue to run this marathon of my life, and then my life will change DRASTICALLY. I have often questioned my ability to be a good parent and make the right choices for myself, and especially for the baby over these last few months. Finally I am happy to say...I am at peace with parenting, and I feel confident in my abilities. Do I still get sad about the lifestyle change? Sure I do. There will be no more single and carefree Tina. Now my life will consist of family outings to parks, and pretty much everything kid related, with small breaks in between. I can honestly say that I'm ok with it. There will be hard times I'm sure, but if I can make it through what I've been through in this last 30 weeks, then shoot...I feel like I can make it through almost anything.
Soooo stay tuned. My sweet angel (just like her momma ;) baby will be here before we know it. I can't wait for you guys to meet her!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Thing About Pregnancy...
So I am a couple days short of being 24 weeks pregnant. It has been such a interesting ride this far. I really believe God gives women nine months of pregnancy for a very good reason. Think about it...if you found out you were pregnant one day and a short time later ( 3 months..12 short weeks) you have a baby...how would you handle it? These last few months have been full of every kind of emotion known to man as I adjust to the idea that in nine short but long months my life will change drastically. Suddenly my very self centered and me focused existence with come to a screeching halt. I have gone from being ecstatic to sad, from sad to happy...from happy to distraught...and so on and so on.
SO how do i feel now, at practially 24 weeks? Well...I have to say I'm having more good days than bad. I have been able to really enjoy the last few weeks of hanging out with friends and having fun, instead of being stuck in the house and that has helped alot. But here's the thing about pregnancy...getting bigger sort of creeps up on you. One day you are still wearing your old clothes and looking at your toes...and then the next day..your clothes are waaay to tight...and you can't even touch your toes much less see them. So tonight as I lay on the couch and ponder why in the world would I be so tired...I have come to the relization that there's a actually human inside of me, and she's not the size of a lima bean anymore, her legs are quite long as well has her arms, and her head and torso take up a lot of space. It's been such a gradual process, and I have been spoiled with not feeling or looking pregnant for so long, that it's a total shock to my brain sometimes when I think about what's really going on inside my belly. My days of carrying a half a gram of baby are over...and that's why i'm tired and out of breath constantly. It makes since now that I think about it. I am grateful for the nine months of prep time. I do love my baby girl. I'll be so glad when I can hold her in my arms :)
SO how do i feel now, at practially 24 weeks? Well...I have to say I'm having more good days than bad. I have been able to really enjoy the last few weeks of hanging out with friends and having fun, instead of being stuck in the house and that has helped alot. But here's the thing about pregnancy...getting bigger sort of creeps up on you. One day you are still wearing your old clothes and looking at your toes...and then the next day..your clothes are waaay to tight...and you can't even touch your toes much less see them. So tonight as I lay on the couch and ponder why in the world would I be so tired...I have come to the relization that there's a actually human inside of me, and she's not the size of a lima bean anymore, her legs are quite long as well has her arms, and her head and torso take up a lot of space. It's been such a gradual process, and I have been spoiled with not feeling or looking pregnant for so long, that it's a total shock to my brain sometimes when I think about what's really going on inside my belly. My days of carrying a half a gram of baby are over...and that's why i'm tired and out of breath constantly. It makes since now that I think about it. I am grateful for the nine months of prep time. I do love my baby girl. I'll be so glad when I can hold her in my arms :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Another year older...
Wow..today I am officially another year older. I have a lot of changes to look forward to this year, hears to hoping I adjust well to them all!!
At the age I am now, I had kinda thought a motherhood wasn't going to be in the cards for me, and I was for the most part beginning to be ok with that. I really had embraced being childless and single over the last months prior to my surprising news.
Now as I lay here in bed and feel by baby girl do what feels like somersaults in my stomach, and I am also trying to grasp the concept of whats to come. I would be lying to you if I told you I was 100 percent confident in my ability to be a excellent parent. Worry seems to be a part of my everyday thoughts. I wonder if I will say the right things, act the right way around her, expose her to positive influences all the time, build up her self esteem, i wonder if other people will be mindful of her self esteem, and try to be positive influences, and if they don't what will I do. There are so many unknowns. I'm sure that I'm not the only new parent that has ever felt this way.So as the weeks progress and baby girl continues to do flips and kicks...and my body grows to accommodate her, I hope that I begin to feel more secure in my abilities, and I will start to worry less.
None the less, I am thrilled at the idea of having a little princess, a sidekick and hopefully a future best friend. I get so excited about Disney on ice, and princess themed bday parties, and dresses and shoes, and hair accessories ( maybe she won't like all those things, don't worry I'm ok with that :). I wonder will she like to dance, or sing...will she be compassionate towards others...what will she be, what will she look like. So many questions and much much much anticipation.
Again..I never thought at my age I'd be looking at motherhood for the first time. I feel so blessed, and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.
At the age I am now, I had kinda thought a motherhood wasn't going to be in the cards for me, and I was for the most part beginning to be ok with that. I really had embraced being childless and single over the last months prior to my surprising news.
Now as I lay here in bed and feel by baby girl do what feels like somersaults in my stomach, and I am also trying to grasp the concept of whats to come. I would be lying to you if I told you I was 100 percent confident in my ability to be a excellent parent. Worry seems to be a part of my everyday thoughts. I wonder if I will say the right things, act the right way around her, expose her to positive influences all the time, build up her self esteem, i wonder if other people will be mindful of her self esteem, and try to be positive influences, and if they don't what will I do. There are so many unknowns. I'm sure that I'm not the only new parent that has ever felt this way.So as the weeks progress and baby girl continues to do flips and kicks...and my body grows to accommodate her, I hope that I begin to feel more secure in my abilities, and I will start to worry less.
None the less, I am thrilled at the idea of having a little princess, a sidekick and hopefully a future best friend. I get so excited about Disney on ice, and princess themed bday parties, and dresses and shoes, and hair accessories ( maybe she won't like all those things, don't worry I'm ok with that :). I wonder will she like to dance, or sing...will she be compassionate towards others...what will she be, what will she look like. So many questions and much much much anticipation.
Again..I never thought at my age I'd be looking at motherhood for the first time. I feel so blessed, and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.
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