Accepting...

I haven't updated my blog in a while. Not much new is happening i guess.  I'm just now getting to 15 weeks ( I'm not at far along as i thought previously), and it seems that I can feel the baby move at times. I have adjusted more and more to the idea of being a parent, I even got some baby gifts at Christmas. It was kinda surreal to actually be the one receiving gifts for my baby, instead of giving them to someone else for their baby. I even allowed myself to look at the baby section at walmart and target ( walmart is so much cheaper), to see what things i might like. But the thing is....I've taken care of babies way to often to give in to the hoopla of must haves, because i know they outgrow things like the bombo chair, and other cute little things so fast. I'm more practical, I want books, books and more books. Those will last forever and never get old and can be passed right down to future generations.. But as it goes my biological mom want to get me the bombo..."because she wants her grand-baby to have good posture", lol...so i won't deny her the opportunity to contribute to that.

I still haven't gotten quite used to the idea of being a single parent to be honest, but on the other hand, i do get excited about being the one to make ALL the decisions regarding the baby, that thought brings be a since of comfort to my " gotta be involved and overly protective nature" :)  I do get excited about the future, and all the things i get to expose the baby and eventually child too ( like travel, different cultures, music, arts, theater, all sorts of things).

I am in the process of trying to think of names....to no avail. I'm horrible at that kind of stuff, I know i want something creative, but not to unusual  I've settled on one boy name, and possibly a few girls names, but it changes with the wind.

These last few weeks have been marked with regret regret regret....I"m now getting to accept accept accept, accepting who I am, who I am not ( perfect), the changes in my life(good and bad), and accepting the fact that everything happens for a reason. I believe God has given me this baby as a blessing, a friend of mine said to me....something like...this baby could be your saving Grace.  She couldn't be more right.

A candid look into my thoughts...

So about a week has passed since i last blogged, and i have been doing a lot of thinking. A lot has happened in that short period of time, some good, some not so good....but all of them have taught me something in one way or another.

As of today, I about 14 weeks and 3 days into making sure my baby bean is continuing to develop. I am starting to show more and more each day. Well actually I'm not sure if I'm showing to most people, but my stomach is definitely getting harder and more round. It's very very interesting to say the least, being pregnant and watching your body change from day to day, and all the while not really feeling the evidence of their being a life inside of your body yet. The only way I know at the point that everything is continuing to progress, is the fact that everything that goes into my mouth...seems to deslove before it makes it to my stomach and I'm hungry very hungry soon after. I feel like the caterpillar in the children's book..The Hungry Caterpillar, lol.

I've been thinking a lot about the plight of women. We as women, we go through a lot. From the joys and woohs of pregnancy, the weight gain, feeling unattractive, stretch marks, and just the shear responsibilty of bringing a child into the world healthy and strong. All the while keeping a job, and trying to prove yourself to any and sometimes everyone.

I've been dealing with the baby's father and his family this past week....wow, can you say drama. If anyone can take a lesson from me...females...DON'T find yourself in a unplanned pregnancy unless you are fully aware of what you're getting into, and GUYS....please take responsibilty and do everything you can to make sure you are NOT the one creating children before clearly thinking it out and being fully aware of the magnitude of the responsibility.

One thing is for sure...father involved or not involved...I'm gonna love this baby with everything I have, I'm gonna try with the strength that comes only from God, to raise this child to love, respect, and value other people, and itself, but most importantly to LOVE God with it's whole heart. I'm gonna try and teach it all the things i've learned in this life. But most importantly I"m gonna love this baby unconditionally and be the best mom I can be.

Growing My Bean

I've started to blog for a couple of reasons.  For me, writing is very therapeutic, it is a perfect way to express yourself without any immediate verbal feedback. The second reason I started this blog, is to keep those of you who are interested, and those of you whom I rarely talk to, updated on my life and the progress of the pregnancy ( growing my little bean). Some of you are probably wondering why I chose the to call the baby my bean. Here's why...around 8 weeks into a woman's pregnancy the baby is no bigger then a Lima bean ( Lima beans are my absolute favorite beans to eat:) I read that somewhere, and calling the baby my little bean just stuck. I am well aware that it no longer looks like a bean anymore, but it will always be my little bean in my mind.

I am currently 13 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy. The last few weeks have been HARD...if felt and still feel at times as if an alien invaded my body and took over it's normal functioning. I am happy to say that my energy is returning...and I am happy to continue the process of growing my bean :)

I will warn you that some of these post will be somewhat personal. I am also starting this blog, to give those of you who are curious some insight on how it is to find out you're pregnant unexpectedly...and all the emotions that come along with preparing to be a single mom.