Accepting...

I haven't updated my blog in a while. Not much new is happening i guess.  I'm just now getting to 15 weeks ( I'm not at far along as i thought previously), and it seems that I can feel the baby move at times. I have adjusted more and more to the idea of being a parent, I even got some baby gifts at Christmas. It was kinda surreal to actually be the one receiving gifts for my baby, instead of giving them to someone else for their baby. I even allowed myself to look at the baby section at walmart and target ( walmart is so much cheaper), to see what things i might like. But the thing is....I've taken care of babies way to often to give in to the hoopla of must haves, because i know they outgrow things like the bombo chair, and other cute little things so fast. I'm more practical, I want books, books and more books. Those will last forever and never get old and can be passed right down to future generations.. But as it goes my biological mom want to get me the bombo..."because she wants her grand-baby to have good posture", lol...so i won't deny her the opportunity to contribute to that.

I still haven't gotten quite used to the idea of being a single parent to be honest, but on the other hand, i do get excited about being the one to make ALL the decisions regarding the baby, that thought brings be a since of comfort to my " gotta be involved and overly protective nature" :)  I do get excited about the future, and all the things i get to expose the baby and eventually child too ( like travel, different cultures, music, arts, theater, all sorts of things).

I am in the process of trying to think of names....to no avail. I'm horrible at that kind of stuff, I know i want something creative, but not to unusual  I've settled on one boy name, and possibly a few girls names, but it changes with the wind.

These last few weeks have been marked with regret regret regret....I"m now getting to accept accept accept, accepting who I am, who I am not ( perfect), the changes in my life(good and bad), and accepting the fact that everything happens for a reason. I believe God has given me this baby as a blessing, a friend of mine said to me....something like...this baby could be your saving Grace.  She couldn't be more right.